Coming Out of the Dieting Closet

Coming out the closet

By far, my least favorite of all the filthy, scandalous four-letter words in the English language is “DIET”. No other word has the ability to make my toes curl and skin crawl like the dreaded “D” word. Tell me that the idea of having to go on a “diet“, or the memory of having been on a “diet”, isn’t enough to give you nightmares. Ok, so maybe I’m being a tad bit over-dramatic here, but you and I both know that dieting sucks.

For me, being on diet used to be like a dirty little secret that I kept hidden from the rest of the world, in absolute fear that they might find out. Why I thought of it as a secret, I don’t know. It’s not like people couldn’t just look at me and tell that maybe I needed to start watching what I ate. I guess maybe what I was really afraid of was the questions:

“What diet are you on?”,
“How long have you been on it?”,
“Lose anything yet?”,
“How much are you looking to lose?”
“How many Weight Watchers points would this be?”
“Should you be eating that?”

On top of hating the unending barrage of questions, I was also trying to protect my pride. See, I acknowledge fully that I have serious pride issues. If everyone knew I was on a diet, and I couldn’t do it, then that would mean everyone would know I was weak and a failure. To me, there is nothing worse than letting other people know that I can’t do something. I have a hard time asking for help, and an even harder time walking away from something I haven’t finished. The idea that people would look at me as weak or incapable is unacceptable for me. If people are going to judge me, then I am going to give them something to judge. I welcome the challenge. I finish what I start. I push through the hard parts. I don’t walk away.

EXCEPT when it comes to weight loss. For some reason, when it comes to dieting, I find it so easy to just give up. I have no idea why time and time again, this is the one thing that I seem to be so quick to walk away from. I’ve spent a lot of years thinking about this and have come to realize that I have a 50 pound or 6 month limit. Any diet I have ever been on has only been effective for that amount of time or that amount of weight. And, of course, the weight has always come back. All that hard work and sacrifice tossed aside. This was the story of my dieting life.


Until this time! Right? Uh no, sorry, not so much….

I had been deluding myself into thinking that this was the first time in my life that the weight wasn’t going to come back. Woo hoo, go me! I had been counting that fact as a minor victory. See, it had been about a year, and I was only about halfway to my ultimate goal. I hadn’t really seen much movement on the scale in that time, and I thought I was still living a focused, balanced lifestyle. Then this morning I got on the scale for the first time in months and saw that the numbers were going the wrong way. Twenty pounds in the wrong direction, to be exact.

After suppressing the urge to vomit, and wiping away a few tears, I realized I wasn’t really all that surprised. I had gotten to the point where I was feeling so frustrated and completely unmotivated to do anything about losing anymore weight. The last few months had thrown me completely off course, and I was starting to see and feel the negative changes in my body with each passing day. I ignored it for as long as I could, but those numbers on the scale made it reality. The fat was coming back, and there was no one to blame, but myself….AGAIN.

And the truth is….I’m scared. Terrified, actually. I can’t go back to where I was – sick, sad and lost. I’d love to summon that “all go, no quit” part of my personality that would grab my psyche by its temptation-loving throat and throw its flabby backside onto the elliptical machine, but I can’t. I’m stuck, free-falling backwards, and since I already threw out all my super-sized fat clothes, the idea of gaining back all that weight is simply not an option.

So now I’m turning to you, FMU’s faithful readers. I’m making this public because I need the challenge. I need to hold myself accountable, not only to myself, but to those who care about me, and want to see me succeed. Sounds silly, I know, but I lost the first half of the weight in a Biggest Loser competition at my job, and probably wouldn’t have done as well if I hadn’t been in the spotlight. I’m putting this out into the universe, and hoping that once again, my pride will take over and I’ll be able to set myself straight again. Wish me luck.

Photo courtesy Hendrick’s Photos.

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Community Thoughts (21)

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  1. IsraelNo Gravatar says:

    Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Tsk, tsk. You screwed up girl. Guess what? Get over it and do what you gotta do. Go through the motions until they become habit. Didn’t you do this before already? Do it again!

    Want a challenge? How about you post your weekly numbers (weight, workouts, etc, whatever) on here, on facebook, and on your fridge?

    Let’s see who can be consistent for a longer time, me or you…

    Anybody else want in on this?

    • MandyNo Gravatar says:

      Gauntlet thrown…CHALLENGE ACCEPTED…

      You set the terms, however, I will say that I am in no way ready to post my weight on FB…I will post what I lose (and hopefully no gains) tho!

      I know I messed up and I need to get my head straight. I sat on this post for a month before submitting it to you because I had to make sure I was ready to take this on full force. Getting on the scale on Sunday was the boost I needed!

      • Consistency. I mean set a plan in motion and stick with it for a specific amount of time. Whether it’s blogging about your weigh ins for a month or walking for an hour a day for a month or not eating rice for a week, it doesn’t matter. Just be consistent. The only thing that shouldn’t be consistent is your messing up.

        A wise man once told me that in order to accomplish something you sometimes have to fail at it several times. I think it’s time you put this weight loss thing to bed and get into maintenance mode…

  2. SeanNo Gravatar says:

    I know we all hate that word ‘diet’. I prefer to use the term ‘lifestyle’ or ‘habit’. The problem is, regardless of the nomenclature, it’s all about consistency.
    It doesn’t matter what you choose, how you go about doing it. What matters is sticking with it.
    That’s the hardest part. Even if you fall, you find the strength to get back up and try again. Having the ‘failure is expected, but not an option’ mentality wins every time.
    I think Israel’s idea is a great start.
    I posted a blog a while back on conquering your weight loss plateau. Maybe I have a few suggestions you could use?

    Best of luck with your journey.

  3. DawnNo Gravatar says:

    Summer is tough. Drinking, late nights, more take-outs. I get it. Don’t beat yourself up for having fun, but, when that little voice says, “Maybe I shouldn’t,” to the beer or extra chip, listen. I know it’s easier said than done. Another thing (that someone we both know does…) is to hang up a garment that you would love to hop right into, but need to work at. Maybe a dress, a pair of jeans or a tank.

    Now about the writing: AWESOME.

    Good luck. I know you can do it. I’ve seen ya in action!

  4. It’s best not to mention your diet to anyone until you lose a bit of weight. That way when you tell them you’ve lost weight they have more positive comments.

    • MandyNo Gravatar says:

      I used to try and keep it a secret for as long as possible, but when we did the Biggest Loser competition at work, EVERYONE knew EVERYTHING. There was no hiding, but the support was incredible, and we were all in it together. I came in second place, just so you know, lol 😉

  5. Its tough to complete a challenge which has been taken by yourself, but the one who successfully pass that is a real person. So keep it up,and dont loose heart.

  6. NashareNo Gravatar says:

    Mandy,you look good …
    Why do you diet?))

  7. DianaNo Gravatar says:

    good luck!!! just know that you CAN do it and it is all in your hands. just remember that you can enjoy what you like in moderation, you have the strength to do it, and don’t be so hard on yourself when you have a “bad day.” i know that it is extremely hard but so worth it in the end. this is where you get to see what you are truely made of…..

  8. I really like your site. I have had trouble losing the weight recently. It was all so easy at the beginning when the weight was rolling off. But things have slowed down a bit.

    Your site has renewed my courage to struggle on down that happy road of merky weight loss.

  9. 2daydietNo Gravatar says:

    Everybody is motivated differently. Some people may find this effective and good luck to them. I agree Jody, this reminds me of FJ’s style. 🙂

  10. hye mandy, thanks 4 that info about dieting.
    it give me more idea about that

  11. MichaelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Mandy, Sew your mouth shut and stop drinking so much alcohol and then maybe you wouldn’t be so overweight.

  12. Kathy BatesNo Gravatar says:

    As you said DIET had been a very scary word for me for years altogether.

    I used to sneak into the kitchen and have a quick bite or two before my parents notice me breaking my diet schedule. But, this in turn affected my strenuous exercises and the regime I was undergoing.

    So, at some point or the other I thought to drop the angst to eat more and work more to reduce myself.

    I hope I have hit the bullseye. No more sneaking in. I am a happy individual now.


  14. Royal RaoNo Gravatar says:

    You must stay focused on your diet program and important to be sure that your diet will be successful. It still sounds heavy, but this is not a thing to be feared and avoided, but this diet makes one thing to be done for better quality of life of survivors struggling baik.Oke Mandy …

  15. Hey mandy you posted great stuff. Are you offering services as a personal trainer?

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