Eating Paper to Lose Weight
Back in junior high school I was a typical fat kid. Uncomfortable in my own skin, I took the joke a science teacher once told and tried eating paper to lose weight. Now this isn’t a case of pica or some other eating disorder, I only tried it for a few days before I decided to stop being an idiot.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The school was David A. Stein Middle School 141 (M.S. 141) in Riverdale, New York. In eighth grade I attended the Academy (the Annex was the school in the 4th grade from P.S. 122. Thanks Jesse for setting me straight on that!), it was a section of the eighth grade that was housed in the basement of some tall building near the main school. I loved going there. I actually attended high school with some people from the Annex and recently found them on Facebook (add me as a friend if you on there by the way). I think the principal’s name was Mrs. Boothe. The science teacher’s name that made the joke escapes me. Any one from M.S. 141 remember him? He was the 70 year old science teacher that always wore the same suit and was always making unfunny jokes. He also wore glasses.
On this particular day I was feeling extra self-conscious about my weight. The teacher, an older man with a toupée that always smelled like Pinaud/Clubman barber shop talc, made a joke about a friend having lost tons of weight by eating paper. According to his story, the paper would absorb the fat/junk/water from the body and cause you to lose weight. Coming from a science teacher, I was immediately sucked in. At that moment I decided that I would go to Woolworth’s on Broadway and pick up some construction paper. I told my mom that the money was for paper for an art project. Being the artist of the family, she never questioned me.
I chose construction paper because I figured that the thicker the paper the better absorption it would have. Rational thinking right? Well, let me tell you that this was some thick ass paper that was hard to swallow. I actually ate a regular loose leaf sheet of paper before diving into the thicker one but felt it was too thin. I’d eat about 2 sheets of construction paper before feeling full. The crazy thing was that I kept eating like normal for those few days that I ate paper. I could have really hurt myself now that I think about it.
Stupid, huh? Desperation kicked in man, I didn’t know what to about my fatness. And that solution, while stupidly insane, was a solution nonetheless for a young kid like me.
I’ve only told one person about this. And that was recently, which led to this post and video. I’ve kept this to myself for many, many years. Not out of shame for actually eating paper, but because I was embarrassed about having been so fat and desperate.
This is about eating healthy, nutritious foods and getting into good overall health. Stop it with the crazy diets and start taking baby steps towards a healthy way of life. It’s okay to eat junk in moderation if you need it, but know that your body would be better without it. It’s also important to know that no diet pill or miracle food is going to get you into shape.
Only you can do that. With that said, has anyone else ever eaten paper to lose weight?