Fat People Cause Swine Flu or How to Avoid Swine Flu
We all know that Swine Flu hysteria is sweeping the country like the iPod/iPhone did when Apple first released it. But did you know that fat people cause swine flu? Fat people cause everything nowadays, so from one concerned fat citizen to the world here are some swine flu prevention tips.
Swine Flu Prevention Tips
1. Wash your hands every hour, utilize hot water…and especially after touching door knobs, elevator buttons and people’s hands.
2. Keep your hands away from your face at all cost, germs will get inside your body if you fondle your nose, eyes and mouth.
3. Stay home, telecommute and work from home as much as possible.
4. Reduce your errands, knock out your shopping for the month in one shot. Go to Costco and load up on water, toilet paper, Parmalat non-refrigerated milk, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, bathing soap, laundry detergent, Lysol, Oust, rubbing alcohol, hand sanitizer, chicken cutlets and oatmeal.
5. Put off any traveling, especially flights because of the recycled air that is used on all aircraft. And of course no trips o Mexico!
6. Work out, sweat, and let your pores do the cleansing. Moderate exercise lowers stress levels and boosts your immune system naturally. A stronger immune system is your first line of defense against susceptibility to infection.
7. Don’t, hug, kiss or even touch people! Stay away from individuals by creating a mental personal bubble of at least six feet. People are the carriers of the H1N1 influenza.
8. Drink seven cups of Green Tea a day. Superior anti-oxidant beverage with cleansing properties…good to have in your arsenal.
9. Sleep nine hours per night. Rest will raise your immunity and limit your exposure to Swine Flu in terms of time.
10. Drink this special immunity and vitamin potion: Blend two pounds of blueberries, one pound of raspberries, two red apples and 2 scoops of Whey protein.
So basically work out, become a hermit, sleep, and shower often! Oh, and stay away from fat people like me.