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Fat People Cause Swine Flu or How to Avoid Swine Flu


We all know that Swine Flu hysteria is sweeping the country like the iPod/iPhone did when Apple first released it. But did you know that fat people cause swine flu? Fat people cause everything nowadays, so from one concerned fat citizen to the world here are some swine flu prevention tips.

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Swine Flu Prevention Tips
1. Wash your hands every hour, utilize hot water…and especially after touching door knobs, elevator buttons and people’s hands.
2. Keep your hands away from your face at all cost, germs will get inside your body if you fondle your nose, eyes and mouth.
3. Stay home, telecommute and work from home as much as possible.
4. Reduce your errands, knock out your shopping for the month in one shot. Go to Costco and load up on water, toilet paper, Parmalat non-refrigerated milk, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, bathing soap, laundry detergent, Lysol, Oust, rubbing alcohol, hand sanitizer, chicken cutlets and oatmeal.
5. Put off any traveling, especially flights because of the recycled air that is used on all aircraft. And of course no trips o Mexico!
6. Work out, sweat, and let your pores do the cleansing. Moderate exercise lowers stress levels and boosts your immune system naturally. A stronger immune system is your first line of defense against susceptibility to infection.
7. Don’t, hug, kiss or even touch people! Stay away from individuals by creating a mental personal bubble of at least six feet. People are the carriers of the H1N1 influenza.
8. Drink seven cups of Green Tea a day. Superior anti-oxidant beverage with cleansing properties…good to have in your arsenal.
9. Sleep nine hours per night. Rest will raise your immunity and limit your exposure to Swine Flu in terms of time.
10. Drink this special immunity and vitamin potion: Blend two pounds of blueberries, one pound of raspberries, two red apples and 2 scoops of Whey protein.

So basically work out, become a hermit, sleep, and shower often! Oh, and stay away from fat people like me.

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Community Thoughts (17)

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  1. jim jacksNo Gravatar says:

    Here is another great link / resource

    http://forecastfortomorrow.com/Files/swineflu.pdf

  2. ChelleNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, this swine flu thing is getting out of hand…nothing like some mass hysteria :) What is sad is if something really threatening came up, most of us would just chalk it up to the usual propaganda and ignore it.

  3. Swine flu is getting out of hand because it being blown way out of proportion

  4. zappoloNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting suggestions…

  5. SeanNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm.. where’s all this fat people cause everything coming from?

  6. besttermlifeNo Gravatar says:

    For me this swine fly thing is a product of media hype. This will not spread like a winning lotto ticket if not because of media – over exaggerating it. The media should have just warned the public just like the way you enumerated the “ways – minus the fat people thing.” Its better to inform the public through proper information dissemination so as not to create chaos. and by the way, fat people did not create this swine flu…those toxic producers did it.

  7. I don’t know about “do not hug, kiss or touch people,” that’s getting a little extreme. I would say just make sure you wash your hands after you touch things that a lot of people touch. Just make sure the things around you are sanitized. Regards!

  8. Marc AnthonyNo Gravatar says:

    The swine flu is a product of media hype, just like Obama.

  9. Kim HaysNo Gravatar says:

    haha. hilarious. you’re funny, fat guy!

    Kim

  10. swine flu, is a terrible nightmare. makes me scare each time i want to getting out from my house. but nice article, i’ll tried it, i hope it can really prevent from swine flu.

  11. wow, those are good tips, but i think you may be going a little overboard. i don’t think this is going to turn into an epidemic. i know some people have it but i don’t think everyone is, and isolating ourselves probably isn’t the answer.

  12. AresNo Gravatar says:

    It is hard for me to believe that swine flu is as dangerous as everyone is making it out to be. My fear tells me, ‘Take precaution, stay home, keep your kids home, wash your hands all the time!’ Well, I will wash my hands more often, but that’s where it stops. Swine flu will not scare me into restricting my child’s experiences, or my own.

  13. MattNo Gravatar says:

    My partner came back from Cancun about a month ago. Ive got this terrible cough :P
    No actually she did – and I have :O

  14. Tata housingNo Gravatar says:

    Another good post, you have been a revelation, keep going like this.

  15. AdwidoNo Gravatar says:

    Glad that little epidemic is over…at least I think it is. I haven’t heard anything else about it and people are talking about it likes it’s behind us.

  16. the spread of AH1N1 or Swine Flu is really scary. It is a good thing that this virus is not very deadly. We are advised to take Vitamin-C and to wear face masks.

  17. People seem to have forgotten about Swine Flu of late and are putting it down to a slightly stronger version of the common cold.

    The virus is coming back in a much stronger form so people should not let their guards down. Clean hands regularly, catch it and bin it still counts.

    As far as fat people being responsible for the outbreak…No comment. Nice post though.

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