Weight Loss Woes and Learnings
My current weight loss so far has been 42 lbs. in a bit over three months. Is that good? No, it’s not good enough. But I will take it. My weight loss journey thus far has been a difficult one. I have learned a lot about myself and why I am this way. I sometimes think I have a disease of some sort: a fatso disease. I can’t seem to find the cure for it and it really gets to me sometimes. There are times when I can’t control my emotions: shame, anger, fear, sadness, hate.
My weight loss journey did not begin in August of 2007. It began several years ago. I have been attempting to lose weight for years and it’s taken it’s effect on my mind, not just my body. I have always worked out consistently and ate right, only to stop abruptly. I have been in a down state of mind over the last few weeks. I think it’s because this time of year isn’t to good for me personally, or for my weight loss for that matter. Historically I have done the best with my weight loss during Spring and Summer months. This year I am hoping to turn that around as I attempt to fall below the 300 lb mark for the first time in a while. I hope to accomplish this last 10 lb weight loss by my next weigh-in which should be coming up in the next few weeks.
I don’t even know what my original point was for this post. I feel so scatter brained and stupid. I think I need to center myself. Does anyone have any recommendations for “centering” ones self? I could really use that. I want to get back to my up beat posts about how well things are going, but I can’t. This blog was made to share my thoughts throughout my weight loss journey and that’s what I am doing, but I feel like I have been a bit depressing and dark lately. It annoys me. Seriously. Who wants to read some fat bastard writing about how sad and depressed he feels? I don’t, that’s for sure.
I didn’t expect things to always be perfect, but seeing and reading what I live through has opened my eyes a bit. None of the things I am feeling are new. Like I said, I have been living in this weight loss process for years. It’s just that I have never actually written any of this down, so it’s hitting me hard how I need to get over the weight loss issue and be happy with myself. It’s as if I have been living under a blanket and now the blanket isn’t there to shield me.
One thing is for sure, I am glad it’s not there because it can help me see clearer…