I’m Afraid of Being Under 300 Lbs.
I have come to the conclusion that I may be subconsciously afraid of weighing under 300 lbs. It’s been a while since I weighed under that elusive number. I have actually lost track of how long it’s been, but I know it’s been a long time. I started realizing this yesterday when I sat down to think of why I was being so horrible with my exercise routine and eating habits over the last few days. It hit me when I remembered that I always have disastrous relapses when I am doing extremely well.
It’s as if something triggers inside of me when I do well and tells me to screw up. It always happens. I can usually get past it and get back on track, but this time it’s been hard. Really hard. I haven’t been as close to 300 lbs as I am now, so maybe that’s the why it’s been so tough to overcome.
I feel kind of embarrassed and ashamed of what’s happened. I feel like a big fat whiner. Metaphorically crying over being fat and weak. But I guess that’s why I have this blog. It’s my tool, my way of coping with all of this. Before this I wouldn’t have had any way to express myself, but now I can. Right?
Realizing all this, I think that I can now move on. I plan on exercising first thing in the morning. No excuses. As soon as I wake up I’m heading to The Shack for an early morning workout. I feel like I had a “Eureka” moment.
I think my subconscious can actually cope with being under 300 lbs now. At least I hope it can, because I am ready to break that milestone.